Loneliness: Let's talk about it

John’s story:

John, a retired school principal in his late seventies, moved into a retirement village after his wife passed away. His family thought the move would help him find companionship and ease the pain of his loss. But for John, the transition was much more challenging than expected.

At first, John felt like an outsider. “It was like being at a party where you don’t really know anyone,” he says. “People were friendly enough, but to me, everyone seemed to have their own routines and circles.” Despite the village’s busy calendar of events, John often found himself retreating to his unit after meals, feeling the same emptiness he’d hoped to leave behind.

John’s experience isn’t unique. For many, especially those who have lost a partner or live alone, the sense of isolation can be profound - even in a community setting.

Understanding loneliness

Drawing on international research, there are two main types of loneliness:

•Emotional loneliness: Missing a close emotional attachment, such as a partner, pet or best friend.

•Social loneliness: Lacking meaningful social relationships with friends or community.

John found himself struggling with both.

Finding connection

John’s turning point came when a staff member encouraged him to give the weekly reminiscence group a go, where residents shared stories from their pasts. “At first, I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about myself,” John admits. “But listening to others, I realised I wasn’t alone in how I felt.” Gradually, sharing memories helped John make new friendships and rediscover a sense of purpose in helping other residents.

He also started volunteering to help organise the village’s library, which gave him regular contact with other residents and staff. “It’s the small things; chatting about books, sharing a laugh, that made the difference,” he says.

For families:

Regular visits, phone calls, and encouraging your loved one to get involved in village life can make a real difference. You could even share a village café meal together and facilitate the meeting of other residents. Loneliness isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a very human experience that can be eased through understanding, sharing, and meaningful connections.

John’s story reminds us that, although loneliness is common, it doesn’t have to be a permanent part of later life. With small steps and support, older people can rediscover companionship, purpose, and joy.

Tips for Residents

• Take the first step: Give group activities a go, even if it feels a bit daunting at first. Introduce yourself to neighbours or invite someone over for a cuppa; yet realise that integrating into a new community takes time. It’s OK to take ‘baby’ steps.
• Share your story: Talk with others about times in the past when you have coped successfully. Shared experiences can spark genuine connections. Who knows; you might find a new bestie!
• Volunteer: Helping out with village activities or committees can give you a sense of purpose and regular social contact. Helping others can improve your wellbeing.
• Seek support: If loneliness feels overwhelming, have a chat with staff or a psychologist; many facilities offer support groups or one-on-one help.